Aaron, thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably and honestly. In my efforts to honor the King, I too have found how difficult it can be to love others, whether they are enemies or friends. However, I found it to be the same level of difficulty to offer true love to either, and this is where I found the truth. I didn't love others because I didn't know how to love God. I didn't even know how to love myself. I was lost in the desert of offense and resentment, needing the healing of the living waters found in Jacob's well, and, as Jesus said on the cross, I couldn't forgive because I didn't understand.
Loving our enemies becomes our nature when we realize that we are our own greatest enemy.
The journey of self-love is one of truly repenting and having our minds (soul) changed by the great Alchemist. It has been my experience that adopting the spiritual disciplines and fostering spiritual spaces to promote healing and restoration are our responsibility as followers of the Way. We are called to serve, but we are chosen by our response to that calling. Our response initiates sanctification and provides evidence of God's salvation in our behavior (i.e., the fruit of the Spirit). It is the evidence of the physiological rewiring of our mind that occurs when we submit ourselves to Jesus as Lord that we might experience the Life He died to give us when we follow the Way in Truth. It doesn't take willpower or strength to achieve; it takes submission and surrender to Him, but we always leave out the obedience aspect of that surrender, in that it takes action on our part to manifest the truth of our salvation for His glory, on earth as it is in heaven.
The good news here is that Christian culture is starting to catch up to the truth of the past: Jesus never changes, but He is always doing something new.
As Kierkegaard pointed out, it is rarely ever either/or in life, and more often it is the both/and principle that sheds light on the Way.
We don't have to try harder to be good; we have to serve God faithfully, and He will restore us to righteousness. It's not either grace or law, it's both/and. It's not works or faith, it's both/and. It's not all Him and none of us; it's both/and. WE are called to be a part of His mission, and God wants us to be Jesus with skin on to our brothers and sisters.
Could God do everything without us? Sure. But He didn't. He chose to include us in His ministry, and for us to keep deprecating ourselves and the value that He has given us inherently as His children is a trick of the enemy. We are called to shine brightly on the hillside, not hide our brilliance; the brilliance that is the reflection of our source. The moon doesn't take credit for reflecting sunlight; it just does.
Allow God to continue to heal your heart. Ask Him about areas of trauma that haven't been resolved yet; Hint: they are usually the areas in which we struggle to forgive others (because we haven't forgiven ourselves for that same thing), and then loving your neighbor (enemy or not) will be the natural outflow of your heart.
Very powerful! I’ve struggled between being so angry at someone who hurt me deeply and yet hurting FOR them. The greatest lesson we learn is that we can’t do it on our own. In our weakness, we need the One who is strong to stand in the gap for us.
“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NASB1995
Amazing post. I was abused... as a child. I've struggled loving my enemies until very recently. God broke my battle with this just last year. I will be chewing on your article for a few days. Thanks for the, 💡, on the continuing emotions that come with giving your enemy to God!
Michael, thank you for sharing that!! That’s no small thing to name in a public space, and I’m grateful you felt safe enough to put it into words here.
What you’ve carried is heavy, my friend… and anyone who’s walked through childhood abuse knows that enemy love sits in a very different box than everyday relational hurt.
There’s one clarification I always make when this subject comes up, not because I assume you don’t know it, but because survivors often need to hear it said out loud… so I say it for the benefit of anyone reading this comment: loving your enemies does not mean allowing child abusers continued access to your life or the lives of your children.
Christian forgiveness is never a mandate to return to unsafe situations or reopen doors that should stay closed.
In nearly twenty years of pastoral work, I’ve walked with a lot of people whose stories look like yours, and the pattern is consistent. Forgiveness should mean releasing bitterness, hatred, and the desire for revenge… while still holding firm, protectiveness especially regarding our children and grandkids.
Those two things are not at odds. They’re ought to be inseparable.
I’ve known people who have said to an abusive family member, with absolute sincerity, “I forgive you, and I know Jesus has forgiven you… but I cannot trust you around my children.”
That isn’t spite. That isn’t withholding love. I believe it is wisdom and stewardship.
And it is particularly crucial for those of us who have kids or grandkids depending on our discernment to keep them safe.
Every situation is different, of course. There are repentant abusers, and even then, restoration is slow, careful, and never without firm boundaries.
And… there are also unrepentant abusers, where love looks more like refusing to hate them while also refusing to place yourself or others back in the blast radius of their choices.
I say all this because Christians are sometimes given the false impression that forgiveness obligates them to proximity. It doesn’t.
Releasing someone from the debt of your hatred is not the same thing as giving them access to your life.
And for anyone reading along who has survived that kind of harm: you carry no moral burden to let an unsafe person back in. Corrie ten Boom shaking that man’s hand is not the same thing as allowing an abuser access to your most vulnerable family members.
The call to love your enemies never asks you to endanger yourself or the ones entrusted to you.
Michael, I’m honored this piece met you where it did. And I’m praying for the slow, steady work of Jesus in the places where old wounds still echo.
So good. So true. Only His life in us can do the impossible. And yet, it can. I’ve tasted of that sweetness only He can give. The forgiveness that went deeper than my pain and pride and invited me into freedom. More than once. And it still leaves me in awe, speechless, wondering how He can do that… more than I could think or imagine by His power at work within me. Thankful, so thankful, for His love that transforms. Stunning. Thank you for sharing.
We don’t become holy by overcoming our passions and gaining virtues. We overcome our passions and gain virtues by becoming holy. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God…
In our fallen natures, we want to repair the old wineskin so that it can hold the new wine which is Jesus Christ Himself. Our fallen natures cannot contain Him. We must have a new wineskin, which is Jesus Christ Himself if we want to contain Him. We must live in Him so that He can live in us.
Wow this was so good! Particularly enjoyed your Gospel tie in at the end, “The gospel isn’t a manual for moral self-improvement. It’s an invitation to participate in a kind of love that only exists because God gave it to us first.” What a great invitation to a deeper dependence on the Lord. Thanks for sharing!
Aaron, thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably and honestly. In my efforts to honor the King, I too have found how difficult it can be to love others, whether they are enemies or friends. However, I found it to be the same level of difficulty to offer true love to either, and this is where I found the truth. I didn't love others because I didn't know how to love God. I didn't even know how to love myself. I was lost in the desert of offense and resentment, needing the healing of the living waters found in Jacob's well, and, as Jesus said on the cross, I couldn't forgive because I didn't understand.
Loving our enemies becomes our nature when we realize that we are our own greatest enemy.
The journey of self-love is one of truly repenting and having our minds (soul) changed by the great Alchemist. It has been my experience that adopting the spiritual disciplines and fostering spiritual spaces to promote healing and restoration are our responsibility as followers of the Way. We are called to serve, but we are chosen by our response to that calling. Our response initiates sanctification and provides evidence of God's salvation in our behavior (i.e., the fruit of the Spirit). It is the evidence of the physiological rewiring of our mind that occurs when we submit ourselves to Jesus as Lord that we might experience the Life He died to give us when we follow the Way in Truth. It doesn't take willpower or strength to achieve; it takes submission and surrender to Him, but we always leave out the obedience aspect of that surrender, in that it takes action on our part to manifest the truth of our salvation for His glory, on earth as it is in heaven.
The good news here is that Christian culture is starting to catch up to the truth of the past: Jesus never changes, but He is always doing something new.
As Kierkegaard pointed out, it is rarely ever either/or in life, and more often it is the both/and principle that sheds light on the Way.
We don't have to try harder to be good; we have to serve God faithfully, and He will restore us to righteousness. It's not either grace or law, it's both/and. It's not works or faith, it's both/and. It's not all Him and none of us; it's both/and. WE are called to be a part of His mission, and God wants us to be Jesus with skin on to our brothers and sisters.
Could God do everything without us? Sure. But He didn't. He chose to include us in His ministry, and for us to keep deprecating ourselves and the value that He has given us inherently as His children is a trick of the enemy. We are called to shine brightly on the hillside, not hide our brilliance; the brilliance that is the reflection of our source. The moon doesn't take credit for reflecting sunlight; it just does.
Allow God to continue to heal your heart. Ask Him about areas of trauma that haven't been resolved yet; Hint: they are usually the areas in which we struggle to forgive others (because we haven't forgiven ourselves for that same thing), and then loving your neighbor (enemy or not) will be the natural outflow of your heart.
This is how they will know we are His.
Stay faithful, brother, peace and grace to you.
This stuff is harder than we like to admit. Thank you for being real about it.
Very powerful! I’ve struggled between being so angry at someone who hurt me deeply and yet hurting FOR them. The greatest lesson we learn is that we can’t do it on our own. In our weakness, we need the One who is strong to stand in the gap for us.
“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NASB1995
Amazing post. I was abused... as a child. I've struggled loving my enemies until very recently. God broke my battle with this just last year. I will be chewing on your article for a few days. Thanks for the, 💡, on the continuing emotions that come with giving your enemy to God!
Michael, thank you for sharing that!! That’s no small thing to name in a public space, and I’m grateful you felt safe enough to put it into words here.
What you’ve carried is heavy, my friend… and anyone who’s walked through childhood abuse knows that enemy love sits in a very different box than everyday relational hurt.
There’s one clarification I always make when this subject comes up, not because I assume you don’t know it, but because survivors often need to hear it said out loud… so I say it for the benefit of anyone reading this comment: loving your enemies does not mean allowing child abusers continued access to your life or the lives of your children.
Christian forgiveness is never a mandate to return to unsafe situations or reopen doors that should stay closed.
In nearly twenty years of pastoral work, I’ve walked with a lot of people whose stories look like yours, and the pattern is consistent. Forgiveness should mean releasing bitterness, hatred, and the desire for revenge… while still holding firm, protectiveness especially regarding our children and grandkids.
Those two things are not at odds. They’re ought to be inseparable.
I’ve known people who have said to an abusive family member, with absolute sincerity, “I forgive you, and I know Jesus has forgiven you… but I cannot trust you around my children.”
That isn’t spite. That isn’t withholding love. I believe it is wisdom and stewardship.
And it is particularly crucial for those of us who have kids or grandkids depending on our discernment to keep them safe.
Every situation is different, of course. There are repentant abusers, and even then, restoration is slow, careful, and never without firm boundaries.
And… there are also unrepentant abusers, where love looks more like refusing to hate them while also refusing to place yourself or others back in the blast radius of their choices.
I say all this because Christians are sometimes given the false impression that forgiveness obligates them to proximity. It doesn’t.
Releasing someone from the debt of your hatred is not the same thing as giving them access to your life.
And for anyone reading along who has survived that kind of harm: you carry no moral burden to let an unsafe person back in. Corrie ten Boom shaking that man’s hand is not the same thing as allowing an abuser access to your most vulnerable family members.
The call to love your enemies never asks you to endanger yourself or the ones entrusted to you.
Michael, I’m honored this piece met you where it did. And I’m praying for the slow, steady work of Jesus in the places where old wounds still echo.
So good. So true. Only His life in us can do the impossible. And yet, it can. I’ve tasted of that sweetness only He can give. The forgiveness that went deeper than my pain and pride and invited me into freedom. More than once. And it still leaves me in awe, speechless, wondering how He can do that… more than I could think or imagine by His power at work within me. Thankful, so thankful, for His love that transforms. Stunning. Thank you for sharing.
In Theosis, loving my enemies is normal.
We don’t become holy by overcoming our passions and gaining virtues. We overcome our passions and gain virtues by becoming holy. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God…
In our fallen natures, we want to repair the old wineskin so that it can hold the new wine which is Jesus Christ Himself. Our fallen natures cannot contain Him. We must have a new wineskin, which is Jesus Christ Himself if we want to contain Him. We must live in Him so that He can live in us.
So beautiful. So real.
All it took to save the world was One Man willing to die on a cross for the sins of His enemies.
It still does…
Wow this was so good! Particularly enjoyed your Gospel tie in at the end, “The gospel isn’t a manual for moral self-improvement. It’s an invitation to participate in a kind of love that only exists because God gave it to us first.” What a great invitation to a deeper dependence on the Lord. Thanks for sharing!
It’s all about the Gospel for me! It’s the fire in the engine of why I write. So glad it blessed you. Thank you for engaging with it.
This was such a good hard read. I'm undone tbh. So much to ponder. Ty for this!
I'm so glad to hear that it gave you things to consider!!
this essay was so powerful, thank you so much, this blessed me more than you know, God bless you brother 🙏
I've seen a lot of takes about the famous handshake recently. You handle the difficulties and nuance well.
I am well past young adulthood, but this message hit,me where I live.
I think you're right my friend.